Sometimes it just hurts. That's the whole truth of it.

We don't always want advice, or to be told it'll get better, or that we have a lot going for us, you'll be right. Sometimes it just hurts, and that's the whole truth of it. No bigger explanation needed.

Jiu jitsu taught me that. Quite often you find yourself stuck underneath someone stronger and heavier than you. You learn to stay calm and find a way out, or sometimes, to submit to the situation instead of panicking against it. That mindset carries off the mat. It's made me a better father, a better friend, better at relationships. Not because it fixed them, but because it taught me to sit with discomfort instead of running from it.

And the community that surrounds it is built the same way. Everyone there has been stuck underneath someone too. They know what it is to stay calm in a bad spot, so they know how to sit with you in one. Not fix it, not rush you out of it, just be there while you find your way through.

It doesn't have to be jiu jitsu. For someone else it's surfing, or the gym, or something no one would expect. What matters isn't the outlet, it's that you have one, and that you're not carrying it alone.

I don't care what people think of me. Except that's not quite true, because I do care, if they're good people. Their opinion means something because they've earned it. If someone's values don't line up with mine, their judgment doesn't get a seat at the table. But I'm not claiming my own compass is perfect either. Nobody's is. All you can do is keep checking it, and stay close to people who'll actually tell you when you're off.

One thing that's never steered me wrong: never do something for someone expecting anything in return. Hold the door, don't wait for the thank you. It's not about being unbothered when it isn't reciprocated. It's that the feeling underneath doing it right is warm and deep on its own. Like your soul's satisfied. That's the whole reward.

Like your soul's satisfied. That's the whole reward.

"It is what it is" doesn't make the pain pass. It's still going to hurt regardless. But accepting what's out of my control, not fighting it, not needing it to be different, that's what makes the hurt bearable instead of compounding.

"Less is more." We overcomplicate things. Not everything needs an explanation, and sometimes the explanation would hurt more than not knowing. Sometimes I don't want to know. Sometimes simple is the only thing that gets you through.